Life's pretty much the same. Family, friends, school, tuition, vocal classes and occasional 21st birthday parties.

Something significant happened on Monday though. Went to 黎沸揮's sharing session at his new music school with wills and hazel. Only the three of us in a small room with him, so you can imagine how nervous and scared and mind-blocked I was then. But he was friendly and approachable; he shared many experiences and insider-info about local artistes, and kept encouraging us to ask questions to clear our doubts. I think I totally embarrassed myself by showing how inexpressive and immature I am. SIGHHH. I was like paiseh-paiseh to speak up, had a mental block totally and unable to express what I wanna say in Mandarin clearly. I really screw myself up big time. Sigh. I seriously need to reflect on my behavior and mentality. 21 years of age already and yet I can't act like my age in front of big shots. Sigh... Where have my confidence and maturity gone to?

Then, the three of us sang a song each (acapella) towards the end of the session. The session was supposed to be an audition as well, for him to decide if we are able to join his class for further development. It was rather informal and impromptu as we only knew this on Sunday evening. And damn, I totally screwed it up again. I did 抛物线, my recent practice song in class. I don't know why I still dare to sing this when I ain't familiar with it and there are so many parts I totally cmi till now. I just went off pitch, off tempo and off everything. DAMN. And I don't know why I actually took it quite lightly, like I didn't even bother to choose a decent song for myself the night before. Seeing my 15-year-old friend doing her best and all, I really felt stupid, felt like a clown. Why didn't I just seize the opportunity to prove myself? Why do I have to embarrass myself and regret everything at the end of the day??? Where have my confidence and maturity gone to again? I really think I need to grow up.

He gave the green light for us to enter his development class. I really don't know how I can actually make it but I feel that he probably needs students for his new school, that's why. /:

Sometimes I just feel that I need to believe what's inside me. I just need that little bit of confidence in myself. His sharing session made me recall why I intended to learn singing in the first place. I knew I had been throat-singing all along (imagine the strains and pains after K sessions). I didn't want to lose my voice so I had decided to do something abt it. And I think I am blessed with a relatively good voice (OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M TYPING THIS DOWN, SO BHB -.-). I refused to believe at first, but 黎沸揮 said my voice is considered relatively good in the industry... Okay my point is I don't wanna waste this gift from The Ones Above. I want it to be heard and recognized by people. I want to perform. This reason was kinda 'revived' by his sharing session and the 881 musical I went ytd. Though I don't know most of the performers (as in they are not local celebrities or what), I really can feel their passion in musical and acting. They genuinely want to showcase what they like and do best to others. I'm really inspired. I guess the thought of performing has been placed at the back of my head for too long. I don't want to become a celebrity. I just want to perform and be heard.

I guess I have kinda decided to stick with this route, much to my parents' disapproval. I haven't told them anything. I'm waiting for my exams to end before finalizing on anything. Life's not gonna change; I am still going to finish my Uni and find a stable and decent job. Music, singing and performing will just be the new additions to it. And I believe these new additions will bring more purpose and meaning to my life.