On Wednesday night/Thursday dawn, you came into my dream. You left me with a message - to continue the friendships forged in our secondary school days. The scenes were blurred and everything seemed illogical, but the message you brought to me was clear. Though I woke up after the dream, not knowing what you wanted to convey to me, I cried to sleep 'cos I really miss you. In fact, all of us do. Then the following evening, everything just came back. I realised the meaning of that dream suddenly. I really felt so guilty for not turning up for many gatherings and all, always having excuses (though they were mostly true, but I could have changed other appointment to accomodate these). I didn't cherish then, even when you were with us. Thanks for telling me, thanks for looking out for us even when you're up there. I will reflect on my actions, but emo anymore. Thanks, Shengyao.
The only thing I shouldn't have done was to break down after fencing yesterday, making BANANA worried about me and embarrassing myself in front of Epee people. It has been long since someone saw my fragile moment. I guess my guilt had overwhelmed me then.
I guess I'm a rather spiritual (don't think I've used the right word, but heck) person. As in I will dream of a deceased, even if we were not that close to each other back then. They will always convey something to me. About their conditions in their after lives, what they require from us, etc. Only this time, it was to remind me about myself.
Sometimes you will feel so much better after pouring out everything, rather than keeping it to yourself and think of all the negatives. Sometimes food also makes wonder. I think I needa handle my emotions better. No longer a teenager...
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