m00d: c0nfused, devasted ~
chatting wif: pei yu

haix.. todae aft sch..

ppl.. i m not as happy-go-lucky as u think.. in fact i m veri veri vulnerable.. broke down twice todae.. haix.. y? yah yah u may think i crybaby or wad.. immature.. blahx blahx.. jus think tat i was thinking alot alot b4 i came 2 any decisions. had sj as usual.. do drills liaox den teach sec1 some cheers n played games.. den 1530pm end parade..

supposingly i was suppose 2 stay back.. but den i realli hav tis mentality 2 go off.. my mind ishh set.. i gonna quit com. team.. haix.. y? i oso duno.. jus think tat stress.. everything's so stressful.. hw, sch, cca n everything!!! den realli i cant stand some ppl.. haix. simply hav tis desirable 2 win e footdrill com.. haix.. but onli abt 5 daes left.. can we do it? i doubt so. 4 me.. cos seriously i not up 2 standard.. i sux.. den told ethan wong e story.. of how i felt den things tat happened in sjab.. i said e squat is classified as 2 teams.. top n bottom. yah yah.. i jus wanted 2 sae wadevaa i wanna sae. haix.. den realli.. i told all my views n those things which i was unsatisfied.. felt unjust. so many ppl r respectable in sjab. but they seemed 2 b left out. jus bcos they r not out-spoken.. they don do 'preface work'.. haix. wadevaa..

in fit of anger, i broke down. haix.. but not veri serious de.. jus sobbing.. peiyu was sitting bside me, at canteen.. ethan wong infront of me.. den i realli sae alot alot.. all those unjust, unfairness, all said out.. haix. den wanna leave but wong sae hav 2 at least tell timo. haix.. went 2 multi-storey carpark(js house there).. they were doing drills.. don dare 2 approach till timo came 2 us.. told him in brief how we felt.. realli don wan repeat.. haix.. den i was angry wif timo. he said we r PLAIN SELFISH. yah yah.. mayb bahx.. but if he was in our shoes wad will he do? i already pushing myself 2 e limits.. n tat i cant handle, wad else he wanna me 2 do? haix.. if i wanna leave i can go at e beginning. y den i choose 2 stay? cos i wanna giv it a try.. my best shot.. but wad turn out 2 b was tat I M PLAIN SELFISH?? haix.. wadevaa..

n yes, i stared at timo n said,"actualli u shouldnt hav choosen reserves.." i realli think it's useless.. haix.. he kept on saying reserves ishh good.. haix. don think others will think so. esp when he appt tat person 2 b 1.. though he haven choose yet. i realli wanna ask him,"how they choose reserves??" e answer ishh so simple.. by their performance.. seriously.. u wouldnt wan a person wif damn good drills 2 leave right? in tat case those who r simply enthu de, when they noe they kana b reserves, wont they feel hurt? wont they feel tat they r lousy? wont they feel sad? wtf.. haix.. i rather b out.. yeAh.. i m selfish.. but i m not perfect..........

i had nv regretted wad i told timo n ethan wong.. but felt guilty tat i let e team down.. haix.. my fault.. mayb reconsidering 2 join back or wad.. but i NV EVA WILL LOOK BACK ON MY WORDS N THINK,"ISIT TOO HARSH??" IT'S SIMPLY A NO.. NO. yeAh. being e best dosent mean tat it ishh betta.. sjab had won 1st in many yrs. if this yr didnt win, i think others will b damn sad n angry, esp ..... haix.. don wanna mention names.. who will they blame?? ME. those not so gd de.. jus bcos my drills not up 2 standard n i'll drag whole team down. yeAh.. i m culprit.. tat's y i choose 2 quit. haix.. i realli duno.. pls enlighten me..